


my youth is yours (runaway now and forever more)

by glochisiester



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Donghyuck has illness, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Is The Sun, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mark doesn't let go of Donghyuck, MarkHyuck Loving hours, Romance, Sick Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sickfic, Soft Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glochisiester/pseuds/glochisiester
Summary: Donghyuck overflows with life and love, until he isn't anymore.𝗢𝗿; Donghyuck's dying, Mark's heartbroken and they fall in love again, for the second time, and recreate all memories before Donghyuck withers away.Mark and Donghyuck love through all the what if's in life.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	my youth is yours (runaway now and forever more)

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally listened to YOUTH by Troye Sivan and I felt the need to write this kind of story. 
> 
> I always looked at MarkHyuck as a 'first love' type of love where it lasts in a romantic way, (♥ω♥*)
> 
> ALSO, please do understand that I have no knowledge regarding illness or medicines or even about the hospital. If some part of the story is wrong, forgive me. Thank you. :)
> 
> 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘: 𝗜 𝗗𝗢 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗘.

Mark Lee doesn't know what he's doing.

He really doesn't. Right now, at this very exact moment, he is standing outside of a hospital room,  _ Room 201 _ , hands sweaty and his heart at his throat. Valentines just finished, and his office table managed to be filled with love letters as well as homemade chocolates from his co-workers. He thinks it's absurd to be this nervous especially when he's used to being the center of attention.  _ It's ridiculous _ , he reasons to himself, clenching his fist as he closes his eyes, trying to even his breathing and mentally preparing his mind for what he's about to see.

You see, this is what happened.

Two weeks ago, while eating out in a fine dine restaurant across their company, he spotted a familiar pink-haired guy buying a cup of pure americano. He scrunched his nose at the sight and laughed as he remembered an old friend. When the pink-haired customer turned, Mark choked on his meat to see that it was really his friend, Na Jaemin. It felt like destiny when their eyes connected, and he thought Jaemin would be mad to see him after the Big Problem but instead, the other male rushed to him and hugged him like his life depended on it. They talked and tried to catched up on things. They haven't seen each other for a long time because Mark moved to Seoul because of a  _ certain reason _ and Jaemin knew, because his face is guilty and crestfallen. And then he cried. 

'Mark..' Jaemin said at that time, 'You have to visit Donghyuck'

'No' was Mark's quick reply. He's really not ready to see the other again after.. after what happened two years ago. But Jaemin only shooked his head, persistent, 'Please. Donghyuck's.. he's.. he's going to be gone soon'

And that is how Mark found himself back in Jeju, his hands shaking and clammy, and his knees feeling like they'll collapse soon. He doesn't know the extent of Jaemin's explanation or if it was even real in the first place. But it made him fly back to Jeju nonetheless. 

A lot of people would ask why?

Why fly back for him? Who is Lee Donghyuck for Mark?

Well, he is Mark's first ever boyfriend, lover, partner, name it. He is Mark's first everything— tears, argument, intimacy and love. Everything he held close to his heart, Donghyuck owns it. Until one day, Donghyuck decided that their relationship is enough and that  _ i want you to fly free mark _ , he confessed, eyes teary and lips pulled into a heartbreaking smile. That's where everything started falling apart. Donghyuck started disappearing, he stopped contacting the other, and he altogether stopped loving Mark in his own ways. He stopped being Donghyuck. And Mark cannot take it. Cannot bear the thought that Donghyuck isn't his anymore. That they're not fated anymore.  _ Maybe it really wasn't _ , Mark thought, hands coming to curl around the doorknob. He's been standing in front of the room for like 20 minutes now, and some nurses and patients are starting to stare at him like he's weird. 

It's not shocking when Donghyuck's the first one to break up with him that time. He said  _ sorry _ and told him that  _ i don't want you to get hurt mark. _ But hurt Mark was, so he moved to Seoul, and drowned himself with work to erase the memory. Because the memories are special, erasing it is impossible, so he atleast tried to cover it with new memories. Life became a little brighter, a little easier and loving felt like it's possible for a Broken Hearted Mark Lee.

Until, of course, Jaemin came with his tears and news.

He's not sure if he's ready to actually see Donghyuck. He's not sure if his heart is already healed to handle what he will see. Everything is unsure and unpredictable when it comes to Donghyuck. 

_ Am I ready?, _ Mark asks himself, his hands tight at the doorknob, _ Am I ready to let him go? _

'Excuse me' A voice behind him says, shocking Mark in his spot in front of the unopened door and doorknob he's been tightly gripping since he came. He turns and feels his jaw hang open, eyes widening, 'Jeno?!'

Jeno, the visitor, almost drops the tray of coffees he's holding, his eyes as wide as the other. 'Mark-hyung?!' He exclaims back, confusion and surprise written in his face, 'What?! Where?! When?! You—' He says in a rush, phrases a jumbled mess. Mark only shook his head, a small smile in his face. Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, Donghyuck and him were college friends. Jeno moved to Seoul as well after graduating but after that, Mark received no notification about his whereabouts. So it's a shock to see him here as well. 'How about you? Why are you here?' He asks, moving aside. 

Jeno steadies himself against the wall, 'Came to visit. Donghyuck.. he's,' The other stops, and Mark notes the instant wetness of the younger's eyes, 'He's sick. Like  _ really _ sick.'

Mark's throat is dry, like sandpaper. He have no good reply so he doesn't utter a word. Atleast Jeno's kind enough to continue, 'You should not hear it from me. This matter is complicated and personal and I want you—' Jeno halts, voice wavering, 'We all want you to be there for him.'

Mark wonders how severe Donghyuck's illness is. He guess it's a big deal when Jaemin told him that doctors abroad had came and checked Donghyuck and his health.

'I will be here for him' Mark manages to say, not really sure with his response. He technically just wanted to see how the other is, and then maybe fix their misunderstanding and move on with life. 

Jeno sends him a smile, genuine. 'Thanks hyung' 

Mark deems it the right time to enter the room. He's curious how the others will react. When he opens the door, the first thing he sees is Jaemin, laughing light and bright. Renjun, Chenle and Jisung, all of their friends in the neighborhood are currently sitting on the couch. Taeyong, Mark remembers, is Donghyuck's older cousin, and Doyoung as well, beside the bed. All of their old friends are there. When his eyes land on the person sitting in the hospital bed, his heart feels like stopping. His eyes remain frozen and directed to tan skin, brown tuft of hair and a shock face. 

'M-mark?' is Donghyuck's first words to him.

Mark used to think Donghyuck is beautiful above any other things. With his radiant tan skin, bright brown eyes and his face—  _ no _ , Mark doesn't even know where to start. He could write poetry and compose songs but none of them would justify the younger's beauty. No words would actually come close to how ethereal Donghyuck is. Well, until now. The only word Mark can think of is Sick. Donghyuck looks sick, smells sick and sounds sick. Which is never really a good sight. 

His eyebags are sunken as well as his cheeks, his orbs dimmer, and Mark suddenly misses the bright glint of life in his eyes. His lips are chapped and his collarbones look like knives from beneath his hospital gown. Hs is skinnier than before, than the last time Mark saw him (through his instagram feed but he stopped stalking the younger so he can move on), and he is pale all over. His hands, feet and legs, they're all thin and sick  _ and _ Mark suddenly feels like vomiting and retching the steak he ate on his way to the hospital. He can't look at him, not like when he's looking like that, looking lifeless and sick and almost  _ dead _ .

He steps back, a hand on his mouth before running his way out of the room. He faintly hears Jeno and Jaemin calling for him, but he doesn't turn his back, he just runs and runs until he's out of the building. He stops to sit down at an empty bench, the surrounding covered with flowers. A garden. He heaves a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It doesn't take minutes for someone to call him, disturbing his peace. It's Renjun.

Small, tiny and angry Renjun who always looks ready to fight. But prettier and thinner, exhausted if his eyebags are indications.

'You came' Renjun whispers, like he can't believe that Mark is in front of him. 'Why?'

Mark looks at him, feels his heart ache at the sight of his strong friend looking tired and frail. He guesses it's because they were all trying to look strong in front of Donghyuck. He thought he could do it too. 'I came to visit.' Mark shortly replies, unable to find the right words. He already offended them by running away, he'll atleast be mindful of his words. 

Renjun sits beside him, sighing. 'Well, it's nice to see you back' He says lightly, his smile soft and kind. 

They remain in silence for a little while, watching the butterflies chase each other. It's Renjun who breaks the silence, his hands shaking nervously, 'We missed you, you know. You became busy so we thought.. we thought you'd like some time for yourself.' 

Mark's thankful Renjun didn't mention the fact why the other moved away. When he and Donghyuck broke up, his friends tried to mend them back together. But Donghyuck's adamant on leaving and Mark was leaving for Seoul, so their bond was never repaired. Still, he's grateful that even with what happened with them, they're still welcoming and kind hearted to treat him well. 'How is.. Donghyuck?' He finally gathers the gut to ask, knowing that that's the real reason why he's here in the first place. It was supposed to be a short visit. But he knows he will have to stay.

Renjun looks uncomfortable, shuffling in his seat. Mark figures it's  _ that _ serious when his mentally-strong friend is like this. 'You're not supposed to hear it from me but..' he sighs, 'Donghyuck just clocked out after you ran.' He jokes, making the taller roll his eyes goodnaturedly. Mark nods to him, so Renjun continues, 'He's really sick right now. The medicine's making him sleepy and tired and he really can't digest food properly hence he got thinner. It was just the start though.'

Mark nods, still listening. He can see how hard Renjun is trying to explain their friend's illness in a light manner. But he can't. 

'He.. he's got cancer Mark.' Renjun finally says, and then his shuffling becomes worse, as if he can't sit still. Out of nervousness and fear. 'He's getting worse and.. and the doctors said the chemotherapy isn't working, and the cancer cells are spreading and his d-days are numbered—' Mark holds Renjun's hands, finally noticing the smaller's panic attack. Renjun's crying now, his face red and eyes frantically looking anywhere but him, but he is still speaking, trying to fill Mark with the news, 'He's fighting everyday. And we just.. w-we just want him to be happy. Because we don't know until when…'

'So you asked me to come back?' Honestly, he doesn't know why his comeback would be good for Donghyuck.

Renjun nods shamefully, sniffing as he raises Mark's hands to his chest, 'J-just stay for a while.'  _ Until Donghyuck passes _ , is what Mark mentally hears instead. He knows they don't want him to know the full details. When, since when did he become sick? Until when is he alright? Mark wants to ask a lot, but Renjun's bawling his eyes and begging Mark  _ please don't go, please stay for a couple more days. _ He's not even sure why they would want him to be with Donghyuck when they fully know the reason why they separated. But he'll stay, because he wants to properly finish what is between him and the tan male. 

He hugs Renjun, soothing him calm. His heart aches more at Renjun's fragile emotions. For someone so strong, he is weak right now. 

The only thing he can offer is his arms and shoulder to lean on, knowing that one day, he'll need to lean on others too.

  
  


~♥~

  
  


Taeyong, Mark remembers, treasures Donghyuck a lot. Aside from being his cousin, the older also pampered the tan male a lot like he is his own brother. So it's no wonder when Taeyong managed to look for him even when he is trying to hide in the hospital canteen. It's already evening, and Renjun told him that Donghyuck will be awake after dinner, which gives him the right moment to talk with him as the others have to go home and only one person usually stays in the hospital with Donghyuck. 'Hey' Taeyong awkwardly greets, just standing beside the table. Mark gulps nervously, 'H-hi Taeyong-hyung'

The older sits in front of him, trying to smile but his red puffy eyes are giveaways that he's been crying his hearts' out. All of them are, Mark noticed earlier. They were all trying to smile and make Donghyuck laugh. 

Donghyuck.

'He's awake, if you're curious' Taeyong tells him, like he can read the latter's mind without saying anything, 'Y-you should go see him'

Mark bit his lips, a little scared. The last talk with Donghyuck was 2 years ago, filled with nothing but pain and cries. Mark doesn't really want to have a repeat of that same scenario, he hopes this time they can talk properly and have a proper closure. Or more.  _ Stupid _ , he internally groans, reminding himself that he finally moved on and is just visiting a friend. 

'He missed you' Taeyong adds, biting his bottom lip worriedly, 'H-he can't even fall asleep earlier because you are here and he wants to..'  _ correct everything before it's too late _ , Taeyong breathes, shutting his lips tight incase he spill more of what is supposed to be personal. 'You should see him' he finishes instead.

Mark nods dumbly, sending him a smile which he wishes is genuine enough. 'Thank you' and then he's led to the same room, Room 201 with Taeyong leaving him alone. Mark takes a deep breath, his hands gripping the doorknob once again.  _ This time _ , he resolutely tells himself,  _ this time it's time to officially let him go before he hurts me more _ , before opening the door and stepping in.

Donghyuck's reading a book, but his head snaps to the door when it opens. His mouth falls open, eyes wide as shock covers his face once again, like earlier. Mark nods to him, suddenly nervous. All the words he prepared vanished as he stare back at his ex-boyfriend. Donghyuck's hair is long, framing his thin face but his cheeks still managed to turn red at the sight of the older. He awkwardly sits up, looking down and bringing his blanket to cover his face, 'H-hey'

Mark smiles, finding it adorable, he always does, at the shyness the smaller is showing. It felt like the first time they met, when Jaemin introduced Donghyuck to Mark, and when their eyes met at that moment, the tan male's cheeks instantly reddened. Actually, Mark's not sure how to talk to Donghyuck. When they broke up, he deleted all sources of communication with the other, but Renjun assured him that those things are the past already. And the same goes with Donghyuck. 'Hey' he says back, sitting on the folding chair just beside the bed where Doyoung used to sit earlier. 

They stare at each other before Donghyuck breaks into giggles, shy and awkward. 'This feels weird'

Mark agrees, laughing as well. 'Tell me about it.'

Maybe it's because they're already mature and grown ups that Mark doesn't even have the nerve to blame him for their broken romance. He does feel a little uneasy sitting and chatting with his ex-boyfriend who broke his heart years ago, but he's not going to say that especially when said ex-boyfriend looks like he'll pass out any moment soon. Donghyuck doesn't bring down his blanket, still desperately covering his face as he says, 'Welcome back.'

Mark blinks at that, and his heart squeezes painfully at the hoarse voice of the smaller. All rationality flies out of the window as he asks, curious, 'Why?'

'Just because.' Donghyuck replies slowly, and Mark knows the smaller doesn't want to tell the real reason.  _ Because you're dying _ ?, his mind guesses. 

'Two years' Mark starts, his chest clenching painfully at the thought of what they used to be. 'Two years since I last saw you'  _ since we broke up _ , he's meant to add but Donghyuck's blinking at him, pearls of crystal in his eyes, but he does not speak, so Mark asks, 'Why now?'  _ Why now when I am alright on my own _ , he internally cries,  _ why now when I've moved on, when you're just a memory to me. Not a painful reminder of a love I cannot have. _

Donghyuck looks away, and there's tears in his eyes, and Mark wants to physically slap himself for saying such mean words for selfish reasons. Donghyuck pokes out his thin hand out of the blanket, pale in comparison to Mark's healthy ones, laying it on the blanket for Mark to hold, 'I.. I wanted to say sorry'

Mark nods at him, but doesn't reply. 

Donghyuck smiles at him, fragile and broken, and Mark wants to scream, wants to feel and get angry at him but Donghyuck looks like he doesn't deserve the anger. Looks like he can't handle the rage with his weak sick body. 'I don't want to hurt you' He adds, and his voice is barely a whisper now, and Mark wants to scoff because  _ I've been hurt and I'm okay now _ , but he knows it's all lies, especially when he let his hand lay on top of the tan male's thin hands. 'I don't want you to hold onto me.. when I'm about to w-wither away' Donghyuck chokes out, his voice trembling and Mark squeezes his hands, raising his head to look at his eyes. 'You cannot decide for me Donghyuck-ah' Mark counters back.

The smaller laughs wetly, agreeing, 'Well atleast now, it's not going to hurt.'

Mark tightens his grip on the other, as Donghyuck says, 'You can go back to Seoul now. I'm alright.'

'Why do you..' Mark sighs, finding it hard to get angry yet he is mad at Donghyuck. Mad that he is helpless. 'Have you moved on?'

At that question, Donghyuck gasps in surprise, and his eyes shine with more tears. He tries to shake the older's hands on his, but the taller doesn't let go. 'Donghyuck-ah,' Mark says softly, cupping his cheeks, 'Look at me. Have you moved on? You're so concerned about me not hurting but you..' he motions at his sick body, 'You're hurting, in all places.'

Donghyuck smiles brokenly at him, 'It doesn't matter. You're not hurting anymore because of me, that's all that matters.'

Mark came back to let go of his feelings, to move on and to end whatever something they're holding against each other. He came back with determination to finally let go of the only person he thinks he doesn't deserve. To finally be free from this pain and reality that he and Donghyuck aren't meant for each other. But now, looking at Donghyuck, and his eyes glinting with fear and sadness instead of the love they used to share, Mark feels like he's not ready to let go. Instead, it feels like a chance, a hope.  _ I'm not _ , he tells himself,  _ I can't let him go _ . Not until he sees that bright light in the smaller's eyes. Not until he can hear his laugh wholeheartedly from heart. Not until Donghyuck admits that he's not really alright and he is hurting. Not until he confesses that he is still in love with Mark. Because Mark is. 'I love you. I still do' Mark confesses, tears in his eyes, baring his heart, but he doesn't look away, steeling himself 'I can't let you go. Not like this.'

'No.' Donghyuck coughs out, scared and mortified, 'I'm dying and you'll be okay without m—'

'I don't care. I  _ still _ love you. There's not a day that I didn't.' Mark interjects, 'Let's love in this present time, and not think about tomorrow.'

'No Mark' Donghyuck hiccups, and his face is red, now uncovered and bare. Sunken eyes and deep cheekbones, with tears and drool messing his face, yet Mark still finds him beautiful. After all these years, Mark  _ is _ still in love with Donghyuck like they haven't fought or broken up. Like Mark didn't hide himself in Seoul. Like Donghyuck isn't dying. 'You can't love me anymore. I broke up with you. We're not that anymore.' the smaller argues, but he is sobbing loud and heart-wrenching.

'Then let's make up and kiss' Mark suggests, a smile on his lips, 'Let's start again. Let's fall in love again'

Donghyuck shook his head, not agreeing. 'You'll be hurt. I want you to be free.'

'I am free.' Mark affirms, kissing his bony knuckles, 'I am free when I love you. It doesn't matter until when and how, all I need is you here, as long as we can be together.' And he means it. Every second, every moment that leads closer to Donghyuck's farewell, all of that, Mark will take advantage of it. This time, he will be ready to get hurt. If it's the only way to be with his one true love. 'I promise.' Mark swears, his tears blurring his vision, 'Don't push me away. Let me love you as much as I can. Until we can.'

Donghyuck sobs into his mouth when the taller leans, holding him close with an arm around his shoulder and back. He holds him as gently as he could, like he's made of glass. Like he will fall apart if Mark isn't careful. Donghyuck's precious and vulnerable, and Mark will hold him as soft and loving as he can while he's here, breathing and warm.

'You'll see me fade' Donghyuck whispers, scared. His eyes are weary and anxious, and Mark realizes that the other is afraid to be seen, to be reminded that he will pass. 'I d-don't want you.. to see me wither away. Y-you'll see me be disgusting and get u-ugly and you'll leave—'

Mark kisses his nose, wiping his tears away, 'Shh' he shushes him, 'You will always be beautiful to me. Whether you're fat or skinny, healthy or sick. You will always be my sunshine, in good and dark days. So hold onto me too,' he reminds the tan male, 'I will be your moon on these dark times, that will shine even if it's pitch-black'

Donghyuck stares at his eyes, looks for the truth and finds it there, staring back at him. 

'I.. I'm scared' Donghyuck mumbles sadly, eyes shaking and he grips Mark's clothes tighter, closer to him. 

'It's alright.' Mark assures him, 'I'll be here'

Donghyuck nods, leaning to kiss him on his lips again and again, like he is coming home. He grasps him closer, until it feels like Mark can make a home inside of him. Mark lays him down on the bed, pecking his teary cheeks. 

Two years felt like it was nothing now that he have Donghyuck in his arms. 'It's cancer' Donghyuck tells him, hiding his face against his chest and trying to breath him in, scared that he'll disappear even before he does. 'It's.. a year before I broke up with you.'

'Why?' Mark questions, staring down at his brown tuft of hair, 'Why did you think you have to go through it alone?'

'You're everything Mark. And everyone knows it.' The tan male sighs, lifting his head to look back at him, 'You're meant for big things. And I-I don't want to hinder you. I don't want to burden you'

'I don't care about those things if you're not with me' Mark retorts back, frustrated.

'I just thought..' Donghyuck replies, sighing again. 'I was guilty.. but I don't want to anchor you down because I'm.. I-I'm..'

Mark kisses his forehead, dragging him closer to his chest, 'You're sick. And it's alright.' he pauses, pressing his lips harder against the other's cheeks, making him giggle, 'I don't even know how I would live knowing I'm not with you in your last days..' The words felt weird and heavy in his tongue. It hurts, after a quick reality check, it hurts to know that Donghyuck wouldn't see what he would be if his illness doesn't heal. He coughs out, trying to even his breathing because the mere thought of Donghyuck withering in this hospital bed makes him emotional and depressed. 

Donghyuck, upon noticing his silence, rested his cheek on top of Mark's chest, clutching his hands to his own chest, where his heart is still beating, 'It's alright. I'm still here'

Mark nods deliberately, hugging him closer. The days are few and tomorrow is unsure too. So Mark wants to do something to make Donghyuck happy, as long as he is alive and breathing. While he is still here. He suddenly remembers their first date. They're just freshmen in university, and Donghyuck kept on whining about the new cafe downtown after Jaemin introduced the tan male to him. He saved a lot of his lunchbox money and then took the younger to the cafe and paid for his food. Donghyuck was shy back then, his cheeks rudy and hot, but he had the most beautiful smile Mark had ever seen. He wants that again. That smile. That happiness.

'Let's go on a date' Mark abruptly suggest, making the smaller frown at him, 'What?'

'Date. Let's date. Let's eat that sweet cupcake you like so much. Let's walk down the sidewalk and watch the sunset on top of my car.' He tells him all in a rush, 'Let's go on a date.'

Donghyuck's eyes are teary again, but his smile is soft and loving, 'You hate that cupcake.'

Mark chuckles, nodding, 'I do. But I love you.'

Donghyuck hums back, his hold still tight around his hand. He buries his face on the taller's neck, his voice shaking, 'A-alright.'

Mark kisses his cheek a hundred times, until he can't count anymore. Until Donghyuck's asleep in his arms, cheeks warm and heart beating.

Mark closes his eyes, tightening his hold around the smaller, and reminisces all of the good days they had when they were young. He wants a repeat of that. He wants Donghyuck to be happy, to feel loved. That's the only thing he can do aside from holding onto him and loving him whole-heartedly.

That night, he dreams of stars twinkling in the darkest of nights.

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


'That's.. sunflowers'

It's Renjun, who bumped into him on his way to Donghyuck's room. 'That's a bouquet of sunflowers. Is it for Donghyuck?'

Mark nods nervously, wringing his free hand. 'Yeah. We.. we made up'

Renjun beams at him, like a christmas light, 'T-that's good!' He tells him happily, almost bouncing on his feet. But then his happiness melts as soon as it comes, sad once again, 'You heard from him the full details, right?'

The taller nods, taking a deep breath. He managed to buy flowers and change into his old university shirt while his boyfriend's soundly slept. Only approximately 20 minutes of being away, but he's already feeling anxious of being apart from the younger. He wants to hear him, to assure himself that he's still there, that he's okay. He knows he has to stop being restless because it might affect Donghyuck too. Donghyuck already has too much in his mind, he doesn't need Mark getting anxious over what they cannot control. 

'His medicines are strong. And he vomits almost anytime, so you have to be ready' Renjun reminds him, and Mark sends him a smile. Renjun is always considerate and attentive to their friends. He's happy he has Renjun as his friend. 

'I already asked Taeyong hyung if it's alright for Donghyuck to go out and he said yes. They also told his doctor.' Mark states as they walk to Room 201. 'I'm taking him on a date. To the cafe he loved so much. And.. and then we'll do all of the things he wants'

'Mark, are you trying to fill for the time you lost? You know it neither your fault—'

Mark shook his head, chest heavy. 'No, I—' he halts, nervous again, 'I'm going to recreate our memories. I'll make him happy and loved and I.. I'm making every moment last as long as I can.'

'I understand.' Renjun says with a gentle smile, 'I'm happy it's not too late for you two.'

'I love him Renjun.' Fear bubbles in his throat. The fear of losing Donghyuck is high and scary and Mark's not really sure if he's ready for it. So he isn't going to think about it. 'I love him so much. I can't mess this chance..'

Renjun hugs him when he starts crying, rubbing his back and saying comforting words. A heavy burden's lifted off his chest, and his friend's encouraging smile is enough for him to face problems head on. When he opens the door, Donghyuck's already awake and dressed, his eyes shining with excitement and enthusiasm. Renjun gasp, feeling emotional at Donghyuck's appearance and happy glow, 'Look at you looking beautiful.'

Donghyuck giggles bashfully, glancing at Mark for his reaction. Mark walks to him, feeling in love all over again, like he didn't just fall in love last night. 'Hey' he greets, leaning down to kiss his cheek, 'You're so beautiful'

Donghyuck hugs him, burying his face on his chest, feeling happy. He's been sick for days because of the chemotherapy, but he's happy today isn't really a bad day. His stomach is fine and his head isn't hurting. He accepts the bouquet of sunflowers, linking his arms around Mark's elbow as Taeyong reminds them about their safety and that they're just one call away if ever something happens. 

Mark drives to the cafe the tan male loved, ordering the same cupcake and drinks they used to eat when they were younger.

'I missed this' Donghyuck warbles happily in between bites, 'Hospital foods are weird.'

Mark cackles, wiping a stray dirt off his mouth. Donghyuck blushes at that, lowering his head from embarrassment. 'Stop looking at me like that' He whines behind his cupcake, cheeks still red and warm. Mark laughs at his cuteness, 'Like what?'

'Like I'm beautiful' He mutters, a little gloomy. But Mark won't let Donghyuck feel gray and sullen today. Not when he's with him. He holds his hands, bringing down the hand covering his face as he stares straight at his eyes, 'Because you are. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. And you will always be.'

'Stop it! You're embarrassing!' Donghyuck whines, pushing his face away, but his cheeks are red and his lips are pulled into a grin. 

Mark kisses his palm, mumbling to his hand, 'I love you. Everyday, every second.'

Donghyuck grins brightly at him, and his eyes twinkle like stars. Small sparks like fireworks, ignited by love. Mark awes in wonder at the sight of bright lights reflecting happiness, 'I'm still here' the younger whispers, leaning close. Mark nods at that, heart bursting with love, 'I'll never let you go.'

After brunch, they toured the city and bought clothes, socks and memorable things Donghyuck likes. Along the way, some group of kids whistled at Donghyuck, shyly waving at them and winking at the tan male. Mark snorted loudly, circling an arm around Donghyuck's shoulder and shouting ' _ he's mine _ !'. 

Donghyuck laughed so hard at his jealousy, flattered to be receiving attention. 'They're just kids Mark!'

'Yeah, and they want your attention' Mark harrumps.

Donghyuck only laughed hard and continuous.

By afternoon, Mark parks his car in front of the roadside grasses where the view of sunset is best seen. He helps Donghyuck up into his car roof and they cuddle as they watch birds fly and clouds melt into orange hues. They watch as the sun sets down, and the remnant of the day dissolves into their skin. Donghyuck watches silently, tuck beside Mark. 

'Mark' Donghyuck calls, garnering his attention. 

'Hmm'

'Thank you.' Donghyuck's voice cracks, but he's still smiling, 'This day made me remember our university days. When you used to be a dork.'

'Ouch.' Mark pinches his side, making him laugh, but Donghyuck's quick to correct his thought, 'But now, look at you, handsome and built.'

Mark pecks his nose playfully, 'Yeah, and look at you, looking this beautiful and stealing my heart like our two years break up didn't happen.'

Donghyuck bites his lips guiltily, 'I'm sorry'

'You shouldn't be.' Mark says, 'You're still beautiful, and I'm happy I get to say you're mine.'

The smaller leans to hug him, breathing a breath of relief. 

Mark drives him back to the hospital, with Taeyong waiting in his hospital room. The day felt perfect, with Donghyuck smiling at him and retelling the activities they did to Taeyong. Mark watches with rapt attention as Donghyuck and Taeyong laugh happily, like they're not crying yesterday. It almost felt normal. Until Donghyuck curls over and then starts vomiting the food he ate. 

'Donghyuck!' He exclaims in panic, beside him in an instant. Taeyong's pulling an empty bin for the smaller and then running out to get a doctor.

Mark rubs Donghyuck's back as he puke everything he dearly missed that morning. Donghyuck's crying, and he is clutching his stomach and sobbing out  _ it hurts mark, it hurts. _ He can feel tears prickling behind his eyes at the reminder that Donghyuck's sick and he's high on medication and the cancer— his illness isn't gone. It's still there and that he can lose the younger any moment. So he hugs him, because he's scared that he'll disappear like bubbles. Donghyuck cries against his shoulder, his grip tight and hard, but Mark doesn't move away. 'M-move a-away Mark' Donghyuck manage to stutter in between deep heaves, 'I'm d-disgusting'

'I don't care' The taller reasons, hoping for his tears not to fall, 'I told you I won't let you go. Not now, not never.'

Donghyuck curls against him, his shoulders tensing as anxiety wrecks his system. His body spamming as if he's electrocuted and his vision blackening from pain. Mark's physically and forcefully separated from the other when nurses came, pulling them away from each other. Taeyong and Mark watch as the doctor injects drugs after drugs, trying to ease his pain with painkillers. Mark watches as Donghyuck struggles to keep his eyes open, his body convulsing in pain. He feels salt in his mouth and realizes he's crying and that Taeyong's pulling him out before he can even do something stupid like running to Donghyuck and ripping him away from the painful needles.

Everything is a blur to Mark. The only thing he can focus on is his tears and Taeyong sobbing loudly beside him. The older calls their other friends while Mark tries to regain himself. He can still hear Donghyuck's cries through the closed doors, and he wants so badly to stop the heartbreaking sounds echoing, but he knows this is reality, and that this is a common occurrence for the others. 

He's sitting on the bench outside to take a breath when Jeno comes, a can of cold coffee in his hands.

'You look like you'll pass out' Jeno jokes, passing him the item he bought. 

Mark mutters a weak 'thanks', taking a swig of the coffee. Actually, he already had 5 cans of coffee, but none of them managed to wake him up. He's still shaken, hands trembling from what happened earlier. His heart hurts, as well as his head and eyes. He wants to sleep but he knows sleep will not be easy especially when he wants to see and make sure that Donghyuck is safe. 

'It's been like this for 2 years now right?' He asks.

Jeno hums, sighing. 'On good days, he doesn't puke at all. He eats well and walks around like he's not sick.'

'And on bad days?' Mark urges with a frown.

'On bad days, he can't even speak nor eat. He hallucinates because of the drugs. He gets cold easily and he cries a lot.' Jeno tells him, voice shaking as he looks away, trying to hide his tears. 'But he's a fighter. You know that.'

Mark nods absentmindedly, looking up to stare at the stars. 'I feel so helpless.' he clenches his fist, crumpling the can by force, 'I feel like I'm useless while watching him be in pain. Nothing hurts more than the thought that I can't help him or ease his pain.'

Jeno lay his hand on his shoulder, comforting him. 'You just need to be with him. That's all he needs.'

Mark exhales shakily, rubbing his sore eyes from the tears. He wants to hug Donghyuck, wants to feel his heartbeat against his hands, but he's already asleep, knocked out from the drugs they forcefully needled into his weak frail body. There's nothing he can do but make him happy and loved. He's not a magician or someone powerful, he's just Mark.

'Donghyuck's scared, you know.' Jeno says sadly, 'but he doesn't want us to know. He keeps his cries low and when he thinks he's alone. He can't sleep properly without one of us beside him. But.. you're here now. It's you who he needs.'

Mark shakes his head, frustrated, 'There's nothing I can do—'

'There is.' Jeno argues, 'just stay and make him feel that life's worth living. His time is short now and he lived half of it scared when you're not in here.'

Mark nods, letting tears fall freely from his eyes. He sniffs, not even covering his face. 'I don't want to let go of him' and with that, Jeno hugs him, crying as well. Mark cries and cries until his throat is hurting and his eyes are puffy just like Taeyong's. He grips onto Jeno's arms, tight around his hope as well for it is the only thing keeping him grounded.

'Jeno, what if we stop pretending that we're okay and show Donghyuck how we feel' Mark says after they calmed down. 'What if we stop being strong and instead bare ourselves, so that Donghyuck will know that we weren't pretending?'

'It's hard Mark. We are his emotional pillars right now. Us breaking down will make him sad as well.'

'I think.. Donghyuck doesn't like us treating him like he is dying.' Mark goes on, inhaling fresh air, 'Let's treat him like nothing's wrong, like he isn't fragile. I don't think he likes being babied knowing that he is sick. Because he is strong. Donghyuck's strong and we have to show him that we know.'

Jeno smiles at his statement, agreeing. 'Alright, I'll tell the others.'

They look at the stars once again as silence blanketed them. Until Jeno whispers, his voice small and anxious, 'Mark..'

'Hmm'

'What if.. it fails?'  _ It _ being Donghyuck's health. Mark stares at him, trying to find the right words but realizing that he doesn't have any answer with that question. He releases a shaky breath, tears clouding his eyes again, 'I.. I don't know' He chuckles wetly, taking a deep breath, 'I don't want to think about it.'

'Me too' Jeno smiles bitterly, 'I don't want to think of tomorrow.'

So they don't. Mark doesn't think of it. As long as Donghyuck's breathing and living, tomorrow and time doesn't matter. As long as his heart's beating, Mark will love him.

And even if his heart stops, Mark will never stop loving him.

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


'Sunflowers again?' Donghyuck says happily when Mark walks in, a bouquet of sunflowers in his arms again. The younger looks exhausted to the bone but his smile is contagious. Mark leans to kiss him, pulling the other to his chest. 'Good morning, did you already eat?'

'Waiting for you' Donghyuck answers gleefully. Mark chuckles, lifting the basket of fresh cupcakes the tan male loves so much. He made up his mind last night to bring sunflowers and Donghyuck's favorite cupcake every morning to start their day. Mark's not really romantic but he'll do everything just to make the younger smile. 

Donghyuck munches on his cupcake happily, and Mark doesn't dare bring up the incident last night. 'I want to walk' Donghyuck declares after successfully finishing his breakfast. 

'Good. Because I have a surprise' Mark wiggles his eyebrow playfully, making the younger widen his eyes, buzzing in his seat. 'Surprise?'

'Yep. So let's get you changed and we'll head out.' Mark helps him into the bathroom, preparing the bath and shyly turning away when the latter starts stripping himself off his clothes. He helps him wash because he's scared that Donghyuck will slip in the slippery shower. After roughly 30 minutes, they managed to clean the bed and put on proper clothing instead of Donghyuck's usual hospital gown. 

Just as Mark opens the door, Donghyuck wobbles on his legs, vision blackening for a split second. Mark catches him automatically, hands shaking in fear once again, but he plasters a smile to cover up the anxiety bubbling up his throat. Donghyuck gives out a trembling laugh, but his eyes are wide in terror. 'Hold me' he says weakly, clutching onto Mark's arms, 'tight'

'I'm here' Mark kisses the crown of his head, snaking an arm around his waist and pulling him close, 'It's alright.'

Donghyuck closes his eyes as he tries to even his breathing, letting his face be peppered with soft pecks. He inhales Mark's cologne, as Mark balances things with his other arm, 'Ready?' The older asks.

Donghyuck nods slightly before they walk out. 

All of their friends are outside, sitting down on a blanket laid down on the grass with different foods, laughing with each other. 'Guys!' Donghyuck squeals at them, wanting to run but his legs are shaking, so he lets Mark lead him to where they are. He sits down immediately, a little tired from standing but grins when all of his friends start fighting for his attention. The sun's out and about, and they're laughing like they're not inside the hospital premises. 

'Wait, isn't this chips old?' Donghyuck questions, breaking out in a cackle, 'This reminds me of the first time we had that picnic with Jeno getting stuck on the tree' and he stops at their silence, but they sport similar smiles, 'Wait, are we recreating our first ever picnic?!' He asks, surprised.

Jeno nods eagerly, 'Yeah, but this one doesn't consist me getting stuck'

They all laugh, even Donghyuck squirms in unadultered glee as they talk about their memories. How Jeno courted Renjun but was turned down and instead became Jaemin's boyfriend, and Jisung and Chenle becoming a part of their group. Even that time when Taeyong got so mad that Donghyuck escaped the night just to meet Mark in that old rusty car washer to make-out. And of course, Doyoung's timeless nagging even until now.

Donghyuck reaches for another bag of chips while they're talking, but his arm is shaking, trembling so hard that the chips fall and scatter messily on the floor. All of them snap their heads to him but Mark shooes them, and Jeno understands his actions, looking away.

Mark sits behind Donghyuck, pulling him close to his chest and helping the smaller clean the mess. Donghyuck mutters a guilty, 'I'm sorry' but the taller only kisses his cheek, rubbing his back. 'It's my favorite. The chips' He changes the topic making the latter smile.

Donghyuck leans back on his chest, watching their friends. He's silent so Mark kisses his knuckles, noting the blue veins visible on his arm, whispering to his ear, 'You're warm'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah' Mark repeats, caging him closer to his beating heart which is strangely calm, 'and you're here. So stop worrying.'

Donghyuck twists a little to grin brightfully at him, 'Because you won't let me go?'

'Yes, not now. Not never.' Mark confirms, kissing his pouty lips. Donghyuck beams at him dreamily, cuddling close and laughing with their friend's antics. 

Donghyuck's body allowed them to be happy for a week, giving them the time to watch movies in the cinema, taking a photo in the photo booth, and eating at all the old places where they used to hang out. Mark also filed for an indefinite leave, and his company is kind enough to respect his decision in case he doesn't want to come back. 

'Hyung look here!' Jisung and Chenle yells in unison, raising a camera stick to take a picture. Donghyuck's busy making flower crowns for all them, but he smiles at the camera directed to him, lifting it to his head. Mark can't stop himself but shout ' _ so pretty, my donghyuck-ah _ ' from where he's busy typing on his laptop. Renjun roll his eyes at the display and even Taeyong facepalms himself from the embarrassing call. But Donghyuck beams at him, looking angelic with the golden hour upon him, casting glows of sun. 

It's almost time, and the sun's setting, so Taeyong calls for them to come back inside. Jisung and Chenle races with each other to the building as Donghyuck toddles behind them slowly, careful of his creations. 'Mark!' He calls, eyes on his boyfriend, 'Loo—'

He falls.

Mark's brain short-circuits, automatically standing up and then running to where the younger is. Donghyuck groans as the taller helps him up, worriedly checking him for injuries. 'I'm fine' Donghyuck cackles, relieved that the flower crowns are still okay, 'It was an accident.'

Renjun and the rest run to them, their eyebrows pinched into a frown. They all look like they're walking through eggshells, but Jeno reminds them that  _ Donghyuck's fine guys, he's strong _ . Donghyuck smiles wide at that, standing on his feet and giving them the flower crowns. 

That night, Mark lies beside Donghyuck, blowing raspberry on his cheek, when the smaller asks, curious. 'What if I didn't get back with you? What if I told you I don't love you anymore? Will you still stay and take care of me?'

Mark thinks for awhile although he already knows the answer, before he replies with a smile, 'Even if you don't love me anymore. Even if you hate me, I'll still be here. I'll still stay as long as I can.'

Donghyuck closes his eyes, his tears threatening to fall. 'I love you Mark'

'I know' He replies smugly, laughing after as Donghyuck pinches his side. But the smaller one looks at him and smiles, as if his face is saying  _ i know too _ .

  
  


~♥~

  
  


Mark's trying to look for the beautiful stone that he found because they're out at the beach when he hears Donghyuck, his bright laugh an echo with the ocean waves, 'Mark look!' he lifts up two shells with beautiful colors, his face sweaty but his smile is filled with excitement and happiness, 'Look!' He runs to where the older is, and Mark waits for him with open arms. 

But Donghyuck doesn't make it. He falls flat on the sand, and Mark waits for him to stand and say ' _ it's an accident! _ ' except Donghyuck doesn't, and he instead chokes out a stifled cry, tears welling in his eyes, 'M-mark' he says terrified, 'I-I can't stand'

Mark's running to him even if he's not finished, and so are the others. Doyoung got to him first, just in time for Donghyuck to start vomiting, shaking in their hold like a leaf ready to let go. He's white as sheet and is sweating profusely, and the clams he found lies useless on the ground.  _ Beautiful things lose value when they're broken _ , Mark once heard,  _ or dead _ . Mark shakes his head, picking Donghyuck from the other when he starts convulsing, his cries splitting into short gasps of pain. They drive him back to the hospital and Mark finds himself once again, standing outside the Room 201 waiting and feeling helpless for the second time.

He punches the wall, knees shaking in worry. 'It's alright.' Renjun comforts him, 'They got him now'

'Yeah, and sticking weird things inside his body?' Mark snaps, eyes wide as Renjun recoils, helpless as well. Mark hugs him as an apology, knowing that he isn't the only one hurting. All of them are, and they've been dealing with this things since Mark went away. Jeno walks to them, handing Mark the beautiful shells that Donghyuck's gripping earlier. 

He holds onto the shells until the doctors call for them, telling them that Donghyuck's body is already too weak to go outside, so they will have to supervise him inside the hospital.

When they're allowed to enter, Renjun's instantly beside their friend, asking him if he's alright. Mark watches from the doorway as Donghyuck hugs him and apologizes for worrying them.

'He's so strong, right?' Taeyong says, but his smile is tight. 'He's still so young.'

Mark sighs, gripping the shells to his chest, 'You're strong too hyung.' he says with a smile, making Taeyong scrunch into a sob, choking out a  _ thank you _ before leaving the room. He knows how hard all of them are trying to stay strong in front of Donghyuck. Although sometimes he feels like it's useless, he knows they're just showing Donghyuck that they're okay so he doesn't have to worry. 'Mark' Donghyuck smiles at him sadly, exhausted, 'I.. I can't go out of the hospital anymore'

Mark sits beside him, giving him the shells, 'It's alright. We'll make it work in here.'

'Work what?'

'Our love and romance.'

Donghyuck erupts into weak laughs, but his cheeks are  _ still _ warm and his pulse is still beating, that's all Mark needs. Donghyuck shyly traces a finger on his open palm, 'Are you sure you don't want to back out yet? I'm unstable on my own feet and I vomit a lot.'

Mark scrunches his nose distastefully, enclosing his palm around the smaller's hand, 'Even if you're unstable and vomits a lot, I'm still staying'

Donghyuck tells him pointedly, 'You're missing out on a lot of beautiful things out there'

'The most beautiful thing in the whole universe is in here' He declares like his answer is a fact, playfully bopping his nose, 'And that's you. So I'm here. I'm totally not missing out with you here.'

Donghyuck giggles, lifting Mark's hand to his lips. 'I wish we can just run away forever'

Mark gulps down the impending emotions he's feeling, connecting their foreheads together, 'We'll do that then. Get married, travel abroad and be happy.' 

'Yeah?' Donghyuck looks at him hopefully, 'If I leave the hospital?'

' _ When _ you leave the hospital' Mark corrects him, caressing his cheek and staring at his beautiful orbs that bares his soul, his fear and hope, 'We'll eat that cupcake I hate so much and then I'll introduce you to my parents in Canada.'

Donghyuck cackles through tears, not even trying to stop them. Jeno had said that Donghyuck's always emotional and that he's been crying almost every time lately. Mark hopes these tears are of happiness. He kisses each of the constellations designing his face, softly trailing his hand behind to support his neck as he kisses them devotedly. And when Donghyuck's left arm spasms suddenly due to the medicines and he chokes in anxiousness, Mark just holds him tighter, whispering to his lips  _ i'm here, it's alright _ .

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


'I wonder..' Donghyuck drawls out lazily from his hospital bed, 'What did you like about me?'

Mark raises his head from his laptop, squinting his eyes at the rays of sun streaming through the binds. It's noon and he's currently looking for a movie to watch when Donghyuck got bored and started asking him random questions. But this one is interesting. 'You already know though' Mark replies as he raises his eyebrow suspiciously.

Donghyuck blinks as his mouth opens into an 'o', face guilty. 'I.. I guess I can't remember'

Mark halts whatever he is doing, setting aside his laptop and striding to the bed to lay with the other. He tugs him to his chest, hand splayed on his back. 'Remember when Jaemin first introduced you to me. He told me that he had a friend who likes me and if it's alright to be friends. So I said yes. Never thought it would be the best decision I ever made.' Mark tells him, recalling their fateful meeting, 'My first thought upon seeing you was  _ shit, he's so beautiful _ .'

Donghyuck whines, flustered. 

But Mark continues in a teasing manner, 'All I thought in that moment was that I had to get you. What should I do in order for you to date me.'

'That's when Jaemin interfered.' Donghyuck jokes, 'Trying to steal cupid's job.'

'Yeah, well, I'm happy he did.' Mark grins, so in-love, 'Now I have you in my arms.'

Donghyuck kisses his cheek and asks him for more, so Mark does. 'There's a time you have to perform in your new cheerleading uniforms, and I almost pissed my pants during the game because you look so pretty wearing that. I love it when you laugh, your heart-shaped lips look really cute. And when you cry, I'm guilty but you look really adorable like a puppy. And that time we had our first fight, and you kept ignoring me but you still made me lunch boxes because it's championship season'

Mark looks down, smiling wide at Donghyuck, 'Remember those days we used to swear promises when shooting stars passed by.'

'That we will stay together' Donghyuck supplies, 'Forever'

Mark nods, kissing him again, while he still can. 'You're so beautiful to me, inside and out. I don't just like you. I love you so much Donghyuck-ah'

Donghyuck nods, sagging into him, 'I love you too hyung.' He raises his shaking hands to cup Mark's cheeks, 'I don't want to let you go too. Not now, not never.' He says the same words Mark said to him. 

'Then don't.' Mark mumbles, 'Don't let go of me, 'cuz I won't let you go. Wherever you go, I will be there.'

'Even in the bathroom?' Donghyuck raises an eyebrow teasingly, making the taller flustered.

'You know,' Mark cuts off, rolling his eyes at the younger's humor, 'You know I'm yours right? I'm yours just as you are mine.'

Donghyuck longingly looks at him, whispering a soft, 'Of course Mark. We're meant to be.'

'Yeah' Mark agrees, and for that moment, it feels like everything is alright. Feels like nothing is wrong, no one's heartbroken nor sick. He wishes this could stay. Could last longer or forever. He wishes he doesn't have to lose Donghyuck. 

'Stop overthinking' Donghyuck pokes his cheek playfully.

Mark doesn't reply, just stares at the younger.

Donghyuck kisses his lips, eyes full of love and hope, and everything Mark wishes he could be. 'I'm still here, I'm alright.'

'Yeah'

And that's all Mark needs.

  
  


~♥~

  
  


The machine's not beeping, and the sound's flatlined into terror of screams and cries and shouts. There are trembling hands and wails of anguish, where his eyes can see the vision from their backs, and a cold limp hand laying dead on the bed. 

Cold.

Pale.

And dead.

Mark screams as he woke up from his nightmare, heart beating so wild it feels like it'll run out of his chest. His throat is dry, gasping for air as he finds it hard to breathe. 

His mind's running a mile per minute and he can't think straight. All he can remember was pale hands and a heart that was not beating. His nightmare was of Donghyuck, laying dead on his hospital bed, as he was surrounded by his friends and family. Mark was at the back of the room, watching as they cried and trembled in sorrow. Mark can't feel himself, there's just his eyes and ears working, and his mind failing to comprehend what was happening.

He places his hand over his heart, feels it beating. He grabs his car key, wallet and phone and walks out of his old home. When his parents used to live in Jeju, they bought houses for vacation purposes, the reason Mark lived in Jeju and thus met Donghyuck and the others. 

It was his first time not sleeping in the hospital and Jaemin's on guard duty with Donghyuck tonight. Still, Mark's anxious and his eyes hurt from his tears, the one he had from his nightmare.

Being away from Donghyuck scares Mark.

So he drives back to the hospital although the clock reads 2 am. He knows Jaemin and Donghyuck are probably sleeping, so he tries to calm himself so that he'll not wake them up with his anxiety.

Parking at the eery parking lot, he walks quietly to Room 201. He clutches the door knob, tongue tasting like metal. Donghyuck lying lifeless and dead still lingering inside his head, but he tells himself that Donghyuck  _ is _ still alive. Still breathing and is still there with him. 

He expects to see his friend and boyfriend snuggled together on the bed (because Donghyuck hates sleeping alone), but upon opening the door, he sees two figures sitting upright like they've been caught. Donghyuck's face breaks into surprise and Jaemin sheepishly smiles at Mark, explanation ready on his tongue. 'Hey, what's up?'

Mark shakes his head with a sigh, 'What are you doing awake at..' he checks the clock with a grimace, '2:20 of the morning?'

Jaemin raises his eyebrow, challenging, 'And what are you, Mr. Lee, doing here at 2:20 of the morning?'

Donghyuck tries to stifle a laugh behind his thin hands but bursts into it anyway, cheeks bunching up cutely. Mark stares at the smaller, heart slowing down into a normal rate.  _ He's here _ , he thought relieved, unbeknownst to watchful eyes watching him. Jaemin fondly stares at his two best friends. He shakes his head affectionately at their romance. He'd seen them break and take, seen them fall apart only to come back to each other, just like now. Even though life's unpredictable, Mark's love for Donghyuck and vice verse is still always the most obvious and evident thing in the whole world. After all, he's the one who introduced them to each other.

'Donghyuck can't sleep properly,' Jaemin supplies, breaking their staring session, 'Why don't you take him out for awhile?'

'It's freezing cold out there' Mark bits his lips, unsure.

'He have you. He'll be fine.' Jaemin answers lightly. Mark looks at him, feeling grateful. He's thankful that Jaemin's the type of friend who is light and easy to talk to. He's also always present when they're doing something stupid or forbidden. Mark nods thankfully, walking to Donghyuck who's staring at them like they lost their minds. 'Wait, I can't walk' He pouts. The medicine takes away his perfect ability to walk because of its effects. He can still walk though but most of the time he's unstable and his legs are shaky and wobbly. 

'You have me' Mark tells him, kissing his cheek, before leaning down on his knees. 'Piggyback?'

Donghyuck lits up like a bulb, or a christmas light, beautiful and mesmerizing in the coldest nights of winter. He siddles up behind Mark, locking his arm around the taller's neck. He buries his face against his nape, happy with the other's warmth. Jaemin smiles at Mark, opening the door for them and telling them that he'll be there when they come back.

'You used to complain that I'm heavy' Donghyuck whines, childishly kicking his legs as much as he can which isn't a lot because he can't really feel them that much.

Mark laughs as quietly as he can, 'Well, you were heavier back then.'

That made them shut in silence, and Mark mentally slaps himself for even saying those words. Of course, Donghyuck would be lighter. He's thinner compared to before because he hasn't eaten anything properly and even if he did, his stomach will just decide that it wants to throw it up. 

'I'm sorry' He apologizes, tightening his hold. He can feel Donghyuck's heart right against his back, and it's enough encouragement for him to walk to the garden. 'Don't be' Donghyuck replies, his cheek resting on the side of the other's neck.

Mark settles Donghyuck down on the bench, pulling his coat off himself to cover the tan male with it. He pulls the smaller one to his chest, not wanting them to be apart. Every space counts, even the one that they can't see.

'Look!' Donghyuck beams, head upward and looking at the sky, 'Stars!'

Mark nods obediently, looking at the sky as well.

It felt like a museum of the galaxy as thousands of stars blinked at the dark night, as if telling them that they were there. 

'I always wanted to be a star' Donghyuck starts, sagging into him completely, his head resting on Mark's shoulder as the older rubs his back to warm him from the cold. 'Stars are bright and beautiful. They're up there but they're still visible over here, twinkling as if telling us that wherever they are, they're still visible if you look for them.'

Mark leans his head on the other's head, kissing his rough palms, 'But you are.' He tells him silently. 'You are a star. Bright and beautiful.'

'You think so?'

'Of course. You are a star' Mark adds fondly, 'You are the brightest star out there.'

Donghyuck turns to him, his eyes wide in focus.

'You're the sun' Mark kisses his nose, heart clenching with love when the smaller giggles, 'You will always be seen because we will always look for you.'

Donghyuck exhales shakily, his small hands holding Mark's, and his eyes are bright and twinkling, just like stars in the night. 'Wherever I am?'

'Wherever you are' Mark confirms, lowering his head to kiss Donghyuck on his mouth. The smaller closes his eyes. tugging him closer as much as he can. His hands are shivering from the cold, so Mark kisses it too, blowing into it. 

'Do.. do you believe in reincarnations?' Donghyuck questions, still looking at his eyes seriously. His eyes tell thousands of stories and emotions, but Mark could only read one of them. Fear. 'Yeah, I believe.' He says back, smiling. He knows where this is going. Donghyuck smiles toothily at him, closing his eyes as he leans to connect their forehead together, 'When.. when I am reincarnated.. find me okay?' 

Mark closes his eyes, gulping hard. Donghyuck speaks like he's given up, and that he already accepted that his life is short and numbered, unpredictable. He speaks like he has no way out. 

But Mark is not ready for that. He's not ready to let go of the other, or to even think of giving him up. 

'What do you think of a patio in our house?' He asks, making Donghyuck freeze. He stares at him with wide eyes, speechless. 'W-what…?' The tan male stutters.

'A patio, with a swing. Then let's have a garden because you love flowers.' Mark shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly, but inside his heart's beating wildly, 'I have always wanted a small house but with you in there, I know it's a home. So let's get a house. After we get married, let's get a house.'

Donghyuck gapes at him, his eyes tearing as he looks down, letting his tears fall. 'T-that's c-cheating' he whines through sobs, his small frame shivering.

'Really?' Mark cackles, lifting his face to look at the red blotched face of his boyfriend. 'So.. wanna get a house?'

Donghyuck sniffs, snot running down his nose, but Mark can't help but fall more. 'I might not make it.' He says ruefully, 'I.. I'm scared Mark. What if I don't make it aliv—'

Mark kisses him before he can even finish his sentence. He hugs him close and close, until space is just a word. Until Donghyuck's gasping out for air and Mark's tasting metal in his mouth. Donghyuck's whimpering against his trembling hands, choking out how unfair Mark is. 'I want to spend eternity with you.' Mark confesses, and there's tears decorating his eyes as well. He's scared. He's so scared about tomorrows, because he don't know until when he can hold Donghyuck. Until when he can love him while he is breathing. 

'Me too' Donghyuck sincerely says, 'B-but what if—'

'It doesn't matter. As long as you're right here, right now is all that counts.' 

Donghyuck nods, letting Mark kiss his promises into his lips. 

'I want a pool' Donghyuck mumbles against his neck, the breeze of wind causing shivers on their skins. Mark smiles through his tears, agreeing. 'Then, a penthouse?'

Donghyuck's silent for a minute, but his heart is beating erratically fast, like he's excited. 'Whatever you want, I want it too.' He avows confidently, his tone laced with sureness, 'And wherever you are, I will be there too.'

Mark lifts his pinky finger, locking it with Donghyuck's, wishing that the stars are watching them and will allow their promises to come true.

Mark carries Donghyuck back into his room when the clock strikes 4, with the sun peeking its light on the horizon. Donghyuck's out like a light by the time he sets him down on the bed, and Jaemin's quick to cover him with his thick blanket. 

Mark thought that Jaemin would leave back to his home, but the other male only sat down on the couch, eyes straying away. It feels like they have an unresolved issue to discuss, so Mark sits down as well, waiting for him to speak. 

'The doctors told us that there's a way' Jaemin finally starts, his smile soft and loving, always affectionate. But this time, there's a hint of sadness on the curl of his lips, 'But.. but there's a higher chance that his body won't make it.'

'Oh' Mark halts, anxious. 'Then.. how?'

'It's a risk, you know. Taeyong hyung and Doyoung hyung asked about the details. And by their records, only 2 out of 10 people survived the method.' Jaemin sighs, rubbing his forehead, 'On Donghyuck's case.. it's a die-or-die situation.'

Mark's face pulls into a frown, angry, 'We don't kn—'

'Yes we don't.' Jaemin smiles at him sadly. 'But.. Donghyuck said he'd want to take the risk.'

It feels like air was punched out of his lungs. His mind's just buzzing like an annoying buzzer. His blood's flowing loudly on his ears, and he suddenly feels dizzy. 'What?'

'Donghyuck wants to take the risk. The method. He's also aware that if it fails..' Jaemin trails off, burying his face on his palms and then silently crying against it, muffling his painful sobs. Mark watches him absentmindedly, mouth hanging open. Jaemin wipes at his eyes, still looking down, and Mark knows why. Because he can't bear to show how sad or devastated he is. All of them, even Mark wouldn't be able to. 'If the surgery fails, then he.. he dies ' Jaemin finishes.

Mark looks back at Donghyuck's bed where he is sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. He wants to reach out, but his body is frozen in shock. He can't even form a proper reply.

'I just want to tell you. Donghyuck isn't keeping secrets. He's just.. he wants to do as much as he can while he can.' Jaemin explains.

Mark presses his lips in a tight line.

'Thank you Mark. For coming back here.' Jaemin says gratefully, 'Thank you for loving him again.'

'I.. I never stopped loving him.' Mark says out of a sudden, because he feels like the need to correct the other, 'All I ever thought was him when I was in Seoul. For two years, it has always been him.'

Jaemin watches him carefully, listening intently.

'And I.. I understand why he decided to choose that. Because I believe.. he still wants to live and love and be what he wants as much as time can allow' Mark continues, staring at Jaemin, 'And so that is why we.. w-we as people who love him should also believe that he can. He will b-because..'

'We will be here.' Jaemin supplies, hopeful.

'We are. We will always be.'

Jaemin nods in trust and hope.

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


Mark's on the hallway, on his way to Donghyuck's room when hears a loud scream, and then Renjun and the others are scrambling out of the room, looking mortified and in every state of alarm and fear. Jisung's crying silently and Chenle's trying to console him, even Jeno and Jaemin are rubbing their eyes ferociously. Renjun took notice of Mark standing at the end of the hallway, beckoning him with a wary smile, but his eyes tell a different story. Mark, upon nearing the room, hears loud screams and sobs. Donghyuck.

'What..' He's itching to open the door and comfort his lover, but Renjun stops him, shaking his head. 'Taeyong hyung's there.'

'What happened?'

Renjun sighs, tears building in his eyes, 'He.. Donghyuck's hair is falling and the doctors suggested to shave it.. and then h-he.. panicked and turned hysterical.'

Mark closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. He can still hear Donghyuck crying from the other side, and if he strains his ear hard enough, he'd be able to hear Taeyong's soft whispers of comfort. Jaemin and Jeno drag Jisung and Chenle to the canteen, trying to calm the crying youngsters. Renjun leans against the wall, sliding down on the floor, looking defeated. He rubs a palm against his cheek, tired beyond measure. 'The chemotherapy is so strong.. it's taking away Donghyuck's life and abilities. His mobility, his appetite,  _ even _ his hair.' He sobs through laughter, 'if only I could.. could share mine' He grips his hair, smashing his face against his knees.

Mark sits down beside him, letting the smaller lean onto his shoulder. He have no words to say. He wants to say he's hurting too, but obviously, Renjun and the others are here earlier before he was. And they got to see Donghyuck break and fall. They've been there since the start and Mark understands how much it hurts, to see their friend, their love one lose himself.

Mark wants to be with Donghyuck. Wants to comfort him and assure him that  _ you're so beautiful and nothing will ever change that _ , but he knows Donghyuck needs to have a moment with himself too. He needs to dwell in his thoughts and decide on his own so that he can feel himself, feel in control with what he have. 'Sorry' Renjun mutters tinily, still facing downward, 'You must be going through more pain than we are'

'I..' Mark contemplates what to say, 'I'm hurting too. We all are. But Donghyuck's hurting so much more than we are. I guess we can just.. be here and hold on.'

Renjun nods sullenly, 'I hate it. Why? Just  _ why _ ? There's so many people out there that could've—' he buries his face against the taller's shoulder, 'He's got so much to offer for the world to see. But it's too short.'

Mark knows life's unfair. It always is in every aspect of living. But now, the thought of losing someone he loves dearly, he can't help but question it too. Why Donghyuck?

Renjun cries and cries until he falls asleep, snuggled firmly against his side. He knows how hard they are all trying, standing on their feet while they can. He wonders how long they can last. Until when can they maintain their emotions before they fall apart. Jeno comes back, sadly looking at Renjun and Mark. He carries Renjun and tells Mark that he'll drive him back home for a while to rest, just like the others. 

As Mark stands, the door of Room 201 opens, with Taeyong walking out with puffy eyes. He chokes a sob when he sees Mark, staggering to him in his wobbly legs before hugging the other. Mark rubs his back, heart breaking at the older's cries. Taeyong doesn't speak but his cries are enough proof that he is hurting and that the sight Mark's about to see is too painful for their loving hearts.

When the other excuses himself, Mark finds himself standing in front of the door like the multiple times he did, filled with anxiety, fear and worry. But above all, love and hope is what he holds on to. Because that's what Donghyuck needs. The younger doesn't need pity and cries and reminders of his failing health, he just needs to be comforted into knowing that everything will be alright. He wants to be assured that it's not yet the end. And that there's a light in every end of the tunnel.

The door creaks open and Mark sees a slump figure buried in the bed, shaking and trembling as sobs wreck his small form. There's hair on the floor and a scissor that looks like a weapon to his eyes. He walks to the slump as soft as he can, the silent whimpers getting louder and clearer as he nears. Donghyuck's clutching his blanket against his head, as if he doesn't want others to see what he looks like. 

'Baby' He calls, laying a soft hand on a trembling shoulder.

Donghyuck shrugs his hand away, his voice full of venom, 'Leave me alone'

Mark plops beside him, rubbing what he can reach. 'I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong.'

'No!'

'Hmm?'

'I said no! Leave me alone!' Donghyuck screams painfully, his voice hoarse and scratchy from all the shouting he did. 'I don't want you anymore!'

Mark doesn't move even when Donghyuck tries to swat his hands away, his arms trembling and too thin that it really can't do anything powerful other than slap Mark's hand multiple times. He thumps his head on the bed, not even letting an inch of his skin show, too scared to be seen. He cries and cries, filled with agony and fear, murmuring words like  _ life's unfair _ and  _ leave me alone, don't look at me _ as if he wants his existence to disappear right at that moment. It took 30 minutes of coaxing and soothing along with a kiss on Donghyuck's covered head for the tan male to stop crying. He seeks Mark's hand, clutching into it and dragging it inside his self-cocoon. Mark feels lips press against the pad of his fingers, Donghyuck whimpering against his hand. 

'Ready to tell me what's wrong?' Mark gently asks for the nth time, still rubbing the other's back.

Donghyuck sniffs sadly, then he answers, small and broken, 'I.. Don't look at me'

Mark can feel insecurity in his voice, his tone dripping with delicate, as if he'll break. 'And why is that?'

'I look ugly. I feel ugly.' Donghyuck says, and Mark can feel the wetness of Donghyuck's tears on his hand. 'I-if you see me like this, y-you'll leave!'

Mark sighs, finding it adorable how cute Donghyuck is. He knows it's really not the right time to coo at Donghyuck's insecurity, but he can't help but just fall in love more. Looks like Donghyuck doesn't know how much Mark loves him, that even his lack of hair will not lessen his affection and desire to spend eternity with him. 'Are you sure about that?' He jokes, pinching what he thinks is the tan male's cheeks. 'Is that a challenge?'

Donghyuck is quiet for a while, before he slowly and nervously removes the blanket covering his head.

He's not entirely bald.

There's little amount of baby hair but his whole hair is shaved into a cleaner cut, and Mark can definitely see empty patches on his head. Donghyuck's face is an angry red, eyes rimmed red as well, and his lips are trembling, eyes wide for Mark's reaction.

'Beautiful.' Mark whispers, smiling lovingly, 'Still beautiful, just with.. lack of hair.'

Donghyuck sobs again, silently. 'I.. I'm ugly.'

'You're not.' Mark defends, scooting closer to him to kiss his wet cheeks, 'No amount of hair or the lack of it will ever change my love for you. Not even the way I look at you.'

'You're only saying that because you pity me. You're lying.'

'I'm not lying baby' Mark sighs, 'I'm telling you because it's true. You're still beautiful. I told you before right, whether you're fat or thin, sick or healthy, I'll still love you. Regardless of what you look like.'

Donghyuck's looking down, sniffing in sadness. He climbs onto Mark's lap, his arms shaking as he rounds it around the taller's neck, 'You're really handsome you know' he mutters, staring at his glinting eyes. Mark feels his heart jump at the compliment. He knows he is handsome, people around him never seem to forget to remind him, and with the loads of gifts he receives along with confession cards, he knows he's a big deal. But hearing it from Donghyuck made his heart squeeze in a victorious feeling. He loves knowing that Donghyuck finds him handsome. It only means that he is attractive enough to be appreciated by Donghyuck, the person he loves so much. 

'I'm handsome?' He repeats, circling an arm around the tan male's waist, pulling him closer on his lap. 'You think so?'

'Of course.' Donghyuck scoffs, eyes still wet, 'And I.. I'm ugly.'

Mark sighs, 'Eyes on me' when he notices Donghyuck looking away in shame.

Donghyuck obeys with a pout, still looking adorable that Mark can't help but bite his cheek, earning light giggles from the smaller. 'Hey, stop saying you're ugly, cuz you're not.'

'Yeah, tell me why then?'

'You see your eyes, they shine like stars even in the daylight. Your cheeks might not be full now but it's still squishy and red. Your lips, this beautiful heart-shaped one—' he kisses Donghyuck's pout, making him smile, 'I'm so happy I got to kiss your lips. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you.'

Donghyuck stares at him affectionately, his face looking relaxed for the first time today. He looks at Mark like he holds the answer for his problem. 'Not even when other people are after you?'

'Not when they're not named Lee Donghyuck, with tan skin, star-like eyes and heart-shaped lips.' He affirms.

Donghyuck's laugh sounds like angel's giggling, curling into Mark like a baby. He's still trying to place an anxious hand over his shaved head though so Mark pulls his beanie off himself, putting it on the younger. Donghyuck blinks at his action, face in awe. 'Thank you' he whispers.

Mark grins at him, kissing his forehead. 'Don't worry baby. I got you.'

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


Donghyuck's lying on his back, listening intently to Mark's stories about his Seoul stay. It's already sleep time but sleep became hard to achieve for Donghyuck. So when he's not sleepy enough to doze off, Mark spoils him as much as he can inside his room. 

Donghyuck laughs at his action, enjoying his boyfriend's re-enactment of animals in the zoo. He's watching him fondly, his eyes a little bleary from exhaustion. Lately, he's been lying instead of sitting up. His back hurts and he can't move his muscles the way he wants to, so he just lies down. Taeyong had notified Mark that Donghyuck's doctors are already preparing him for his surgery. And honestly, Mark doesn't know if he should feel happy or not. The results of the surgery are scary. There's a large chance Donghyuck can't make it. But Mark doesn't think about it. He can't even stomach the thought of losing the tan male any second. 

'M-mark' Donghyuck yawns, halting his story-telling, stretching weak arm to the older who instantly catches it, kissing it softly. 'What if.. w-what if I don't wake up?'

Mark takes a deep breath, leaning to rest on his side. He cradles the smaller into his arms, licking his lips which are dry. 'I.. D-don't say that.' He laughs nervously.

Donghyuck stares at him sadly, 'W-what if I don't wake up? W-what will you do?'

Mark closes his eyes, tries to stop his tears. He kisses the other's forehead, pressing his lips harder than intended. 'I.. I don't know. I never thought of it.'

Donghyuck sweetly smiles at his honest answer. It only meant that Mark never thought of Donghyuck leaving. All these  _ what if's _ is driving Mark crazy because he have no clue how he is going to answer such a heavy question. He doesn't know what he will tell the others because he doesn't know what the future holds. But, there is one thing he knows from his heart. 'E-even if.. even if you don't w-wake up..' he stammers anxiously, 'I-I will still love you, okay? Whatever happens, you'll still be my sunshine. And remember, if you live in the after life, I-I'll still.. I'll still chase you wherever you go.' He promises.

Donghyuck nods, because he believes the older. 'I wish I can stay longer.' He admits, 'For hundred years hehe' They laugh at the joke, Mark inhaling his homely scent. 

Donghyuck's eyes are fluttering close, and his body is already sagging in exhaustion so Mark carefully fixes their position, holding him close against his chest. He is still warm and breathing, and his heart is like a lull of soft beats. Mark presses his lips against Donghyuck's temple, not leaving his side until he's fully asleep. When the tan male is snoring lightly, Mark grabs his phone and dials Taeyong's number.

'Hyung.. yeah, can you do me a favor? For Donghyuck.'

  
  


Mark knew life is short, and that is why he hopes to live a life full of life. He wishes he could share it with Donghyuck, but fate decided they're not destined to be with each other in this timeline. But Mark isn't going to let go that easily. He's gonna fight for his hope so he can live with Donghyuck as much as time allows. He's going to make everything perfect and will make happiness last longer, much better than dramas. So Mark asked their friends to prepare a romantic set-up at the garden of the hospital (with permission, of course), a dinner date under the starry skies. He also asked Taeyong to buy a ring—  _ engagement rings _ , because Donghyuck's life is too beautiful, too youthful and too precious to not be shared. He wants to hold onto what he can hold. The last things he can have with his mind, with his soul and his heart.

'Thank you Mark' Taeyong tells him when he reaches over to give the box, his smile grateful. 'I only want him to be happy'

Mark still bought a bouquet of sunflowers and the cupcakes Donghyuck love so much. He prepared a table for two, with roses in the ground, a lamp as their light, and foods that the younger had been wanting to eat. 

The clock reads 6 of the evening when Donghyuck's wheeled out of the hospital, his eyes widening in complete awe and adoration. He looks like he is trying to stop his tears, his face cannot contain his happiness. Jisung and Chenle carefully pushes him by his wheelchair to where Mark is standing in his romantic set-up. They help him into his chair before leaving with smiles on their faces. Mark awkwardly shuffles in front of him, suddenly nervous. He feels like a high school girl with a crush. 'So.. do you like it?'

Donghyuck nods, eyes filled with tears. 'W-what.. what is this?'

Mark rubs his nape shyly, 'Remember when we had our first anniversary.' he starts, making the younger laugh because he does remember, 'That time when a lot of things went wrong. The barista kept on winking at you, and then a waiter accidentally spilled water on our table, and then a lady I never met claimed to be my wife. And then you walked away.'

Donghyuck's tears are now out of happiness, his voice high and light as he laughs, twinkling like chime bells. 

Mark loves seeing him happy, so he continues. 'We fought that time and though we did make-up afterwards, I still feel like I didn't give justice to our anniversary. So I..' he motions to the set-up, the cringy yet romantic atmosphere making Donghyuck blush in appreciation. 'I want to have a repeat of it.. except..'

'We're celebrating our 8 years anniversary.' Donghyuck finishes for him.

Mark beams, his heart enraptured. 8 years, and though two years they are away from each other, both of them still held onto their love, even if misunderstanding was in between them. 'Happy Anniversary Hyuck-ah' he says genuinely, his eyes glinting with uncovered love. He wishes Donghyuck can feel how he feels. 'Happy Anniversary Mark' Donghyuck replies, leaning into the older over the designed table.

They eat and Donghyuck laughs when he sees Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun playing different instruments for them, like a band in a restaurant. The wind is a little cold, so Mark, like the gentleman he is, pulls his coat off and then lays it gently over Donghyuck's shoulder, murmuring sweet nothings into his ear.

Doyoung takes a photo of them, smiling happily at their flushed faces. 

It's almost time for Donghyuck to sleep, and suddenly the box inside Mark's pocket feels heavy. Donghyuck yawns lightly, eyes blinking sleepily. 'Baby' He calls, full of love, gathering the tan male's attention. 'I have a gift.'

Donghyuck blinks in confusion, cheeks turning bright red. 'Oh, there's more?'

Mark nods, standing on his feet before bending on his knee. Donghyuck gasps, his sleepiness instantly vanishing. He's staring at the older, eyes wide, puzzled, excited and anxious. He's everything Mark wishes to have. He's not going to let an illness separate them again for the second time. 'Baby,' he starts, voice shaky because of his emotions. His pent-up feelings, the fear, the affection, the gratitude.. everything, it's all coming down and out. 'I want to spend eternity with you. Live in a house, travel the world, eat food and do all things together.' He opens the box, presenting a simple white band of engagement rings. 'We don't know until when we can be together, so let's start now. Let's build a home, you and me. Let's build memories, together with our friends. Let's love and be happy. Because I am, everytime I am with you.'

Donghyuck's full on sobbing now, but this time, he doesn't cover his face. He croaks out a jumbled messy, 'I-I love you too Mark. Y-yes!'

Mark stands, arms open as Donghyuck stands on his shaky legs. His body clenches in pain, trembling with every step he takes, but he keeps his eyes on Mark, his hand outstretched for him, ready to take.

Donghyuck stumbles into him with his last step, but Mark catches him as swift as he can. 'I got you' He whispers, gentle and soothing, comforting. 'I got you baby.'

Donghyuck nods, puffing out cold air. Mark wraps his arm around him, putting the ring on his finger as much as their space allows them. The tan male smiles at him through wet lashes, grinning bright and happy and Mark wishes they can just stay like this forever. 'I'm h-here' Donghyuck stutters, reminding him out of breath, clutching his hands tight on the other's clothes, 'I'm right here Mark.'

'Yeah.' Mark agrees, kissing his nose, 'And I got you baby.'

Donghyuck rests his head against his chest, smiling when he feels how fast Mark's heart is beating. He doesn't let go, just basking in the other's warmth and love. Four weeks after this and Donghyuck's going to have the surgery. And Mark doesn't know if that's going to be the last time he'll be able to hold him while he's warm and alive. He doesn't know what the future holds for them. All he knows is that  _ right now _ , this moment is all that matters. So he kisses Donghyuck as much as he can, he hugs him tight and firm, tells Donghyuck how much he loves him. Of how wonderful life has become upon meeting the younger. He tells him all the promises, and that he'll always find him because they will always search for him. And that no one will be left and forgotten. Not now, not never.

'Mortal bodies, timeless souls' Donghyuck breathes into his mouth that night as Mark tries to map the world into his skin. Tries to cover him with beautiful marks and constellations of kisses. Tries to make a home inside his chest, in his heart.

So that they'll never forget the feeling. Not even the love and the promises coursing through their veins.

Mark closes his eyes and dreams of butterflies, letting go of the most beautiful one caged inside his hands.

  
  


~♥~

  
  
  


On the first day of Spring, Donghyuck was taken for his surgery. With countless photos and videos, with uncountable kisses and hugs, with confessions and heartbreaks, with farewells and  _ see you again _ 's, the tan male was ushered into the surgery room. Mark didn't stay long, instead, he drove back to their town, buying a bouquet of sunflowers and a dozen cupcakes Donghyuck loves. He doesn't know what the result would be. Doesn't know what is life after this day, and so he will stay, and live on this current time. He'll have time to figure out his life after this day.

When the clock strikes 5 of the afternoon, Mark drives back to the hospital, freshly dressed in a new set of clothes. His engagement ring shines everytime it hits the ray of afternoon glow. He walks with the bouquet of sunflowers in his hands and the box of cupcakes in the other. He walks in slow calm steps, taking everything, every corner and every memory of the hospital. He hears laughs, remembers him and Donghyuck with their friends being happy, running through empty hallways. He sees every trace of memory in the room doors, even in the vending machine and the cafeteria. All the time Donghyuck tried to sneak out, the time Jeno and Jaemin pranked him, even the time Jisung and Chenle managed to escape with Donghyuck to the town on his wheelchair. All of the good days and even the bad days reminds him of how life is lived and loved.

He nears the end of the hallway, halting in his steps, his engagement ring shining brighter than before.

He turns back, looking at the opposite direction.

And there he sees, a shadow of Donghyuck's figure, a flash of his own engagement ring, and his smile the sweetest that's ever been.

He fades and Mark watches with a smile, clutching his ring to his hand. He continues heading to the surgery room, the atmosphere light and calm. Taeyong's standing there, eyes rimmed red. He looked drained, clutching onto Mark's hands, saying 'Thank you.'

Renjun's softly crying, Jeno and Jaemin are looking away, Doyoung's trying to calm Jisung and Chenle.

Donghyuck's doctor gave him a small smile, opening the door for him. Mark takes a deep breath, before walking in.

The room's quiet and Donghyuck's lying silently on the bed. Pale and cold hands, withering and fading, the buzz of the life-machine calming in the back.

Mark puts down the sunflowers and cupcakes, picking his thin wrist and kissing his cold knuckles. He kisses each of his pads until he can taste tears in his eyes. 

Donghyuck asked the day before his surgery  _ what if I don't make it? what if the surgery fails? _ and Mark was speechless, unable to answer. So Donghyuck answered for him, his smile sweet and tender,  _ even if i don't make it, even if the surgery fails, you still have to live on and be happy. live and love. and then.. _

'I will find you in our next life.' Mark cries, his tears uncontrollable. 'I will chase you wherever you go and I will love you till our last breath.'

He sobs against the limp hand, feeling his head and heart thump with longing, love and gratitude. For all the beautiful memories Donghyuck shared with him. 

He kept his promises, the stars allowed them.

'I'm still here Donghyuck-ah' He whispers in the silent room, not even waiting for a response, 'I will always be here. Wherever you are because I love you and I will never ever let you go. Not even fate can separate us.'

The silence blankets over him as he reminisce all the what if's and even if's. 

He kept his side of the deal.

He hopes Donghyuck can too.

There's a squeeze on his hand, and when he raises his head, the most beautiful brown eyes are staring at him. Sparkling with life and hope and love, Mark smiles through his tears.

'I-I'm still here Mark'

Donghyuck smiles, victorious.

'A-and I'm here to s-stay'

  
  
  


_ Fin _

**Author's Note:**

> Donghyuck and Mark got married and traveled the world, living a happy life.
> 
> Let's be moots. Bark at me at Twitter! https://twitter.com/hyuckduckie


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